Death in Disguise Read online

  ‘If only we knew what happened between them yesterday.’

  ‘Confucius he say to know is to know that to know is not to know,’ said Ken. He spoke in his ageless-wisdom voice and lifted the skin at his temples to make almond eyes.

  ‘No wonder he was confused,’ replied Janet.

  The previous evening’s tragedy was not touched upon. Perhaps the feeling was that any sort of speculation would be rather crass with Suhami, who was now swishing spinach round the sink, being present. Heather proffered a consolatory thought-brick.

  ‘I was meditating in the orchard this morning. Sitting oh so still and oh so quiet calling down the yellow flame of Cassiopeia as it’s Saturday and you’ll never guess what happened?’ The table waited, all agosh. ‘A beautiful bee settled on some clover near my hand. A real Mr Bumble. He stayed and stayed, whirring his little wings just as if—and you can call this pneumatic synthesis if you like—but just as if he was trying to tell me something. Well, eventually I thought nothing ventured nothing gained, so I reached out and he actually let me stroke his furry back with my tiniest finger. Wasn’t that incredible?’

  May said, ‘What do you think he was trying to transmit, Heather?’

  ‘I think—and I mean like this is pretty earth-centred, OK?—but my perception of the situation was that the Master’s transmutation having been so recent, etheric wisps of his astral body must still be about. Why couldn’t said Mr Bumble have traces on his wings? Because what I was getting from that dear small furry creature was the most overwhelming sensation of comfort.’

  ‘That could very well be,’ said May. ‘Certainly, if he was able, that is what the Master would wish to impart.’

  ‘Perhaps,’ said Suhami, now wringing out green leaves in a tea towel, ‘the bee was the Master. A reincarnation.’

  Ken and Heather exchanged amused glances. Ken spoke. ‘I hardly think that a supreme arahat, after a life of devoted service to his fellow man, is going to reincarnate as an insect.’

  ‘So you can buzz off for a start,’ whispered Christopher, who was packing the spinach in an iron cauldron, and Suhami laughed.

  ‘Heather’s right,’ said May, ‘about left-over matter. I felt it myself this morning. There was a crowd of Elohim chattering away beneath my window. We must watch out for mischief. There’s nothing they like more than hitching a ride on the aura. Ah well…’ she pushed back her chair, ‘it’s nearly twelve. I must go and run Felicity’s bath. Do you think you could take over the main course for lunch, Janet?’

  ‘Surely.’

  ‘And we’d better finish our chores,’ said Arno to Ken. ‘I think we’re both on the garden this morning.’

  ‘My leg’s playing up a bit actually, Arno.’

  ‘Well…there’s always the hoe.’

  ‘Bending just seems to compound the problem.’

  ‘You haven’t got a back as well as a leg have you?’ Janet sounded quite pithy.

  Ken gave her an all-forgiving smile. Poor old Jan, projecting again. If the group had had a pendulum reading when she first arrived, as he’d suggested, at least they’d have been forewarned. ‘Oh, I have plenty to occupy my time.’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘Hilarion has warned me to expect a mass incarnation of godbeings from Pluto. I plan a lengthy star-seeding session under my Chela pyramid in preparation. And then I thought I’d give the giant bonsai a trim.’

  Chapter Ten

  Ian Craigie’s effects had been released and Troy had gone to pick them up. The scene-of-crime report could not be far behind. Barnaby half hoped there would be something solid from Forensic to support the so far purely circumstantial evidence against Gamelin. If there wasn’t, or if he was found to be straightforwardly not guilty, then the chief inspector had a case that looked fair to being one of the most interesting and complicated for a long time.

  Almost his first reaction when hearing of his major suspect’s demise was overwhelming relief. He had been quite near at one point the previous evening to taking the man in. Any custody death resulted, quite rightly, in a complete and careful investigation amidst the by now inevitable cries of ‘police brutality’. Imagine the descent from above on Guy Gamelin’s behalf: the tony lawyers, the Bill’s top brass, every press man who could stand upright, photographers, probably questions in the House…Gratitude had welled up in Barnaby’s breast at the gods’ collusion in this near miss.

  Troy entered, a grey plastic bag in the crook of his right arm. ‘Got our mystical dude’s stuff here, Chief.’ There was a nudge of anticipation in the words and his eyes shone. With slow dramatic movements he pulled out sandals, a bloodied robe and some cotton underpants. Then he paused looking alert and expectant.

  ‘If you’re waiting for a drum roll you’ll be standing there till the cows come home. Get on with it.’

  Troy at once delved into the bag, this time producing a long fall of shining white hair. Barnaby reached out. The wig was beautifully made. Real hair on a base of fine gauze.

  ‘Very nice. Expensive.’

  ‘Makes you think don’t it, Chief?’

  ‘It does indeed.’

  Barnaby’s pulse quickened. For the first time the dead man had revealed something of himself. Until now information had all been second-hand. What others remembered, thought, believed. But here was a direct revelation from beyond the grave. A primary source. Barnaby laid this basic staple of the actor’s artillery aside and said, ‘I wonder how many people knew he wore it?’

  ‘No one I bet,’ said Troy. ‘I reckon this bears out Gamelin’s theory. Part and parcel of the con man’s gear.’

  A not unreasonable assumption. In fact quite tempting. What need, pondered Barnaby, would a genuine pietist have of such a tricky accoutrement? No sooner had this thought occurred than he recollected the splendid dressage of priests and prelates to the world’s more orthodox religions. A simple hairpiece appeared modest in comparison.

  So Craigie used artificial aids to project an image that would reassure his followers. This did not necessarily argue that his teachings or persona were false or that some chicanery was afoot. And yet…

  Gamelin had been so definite. Was this simply, understandably, because of the trust fund? Or had it, as Troy supposed, been like genuinely sniffing out like? No harm in running a trace on Craigie, although nailing a con man was always bloody hard work. For a start they were forever on the move and had as many names as they had off-shore bank accounts. Second, the really fly ones, having never been nicked, would not be in the computer at all. Still, no harm in trying.

  ‘I got an idea about the glove as well, Chief,’ said Troy. ‘Something Maure said at breakfast.’ His voice took on a slightly sour tinge as he recalled the first meal of the day. The meal which was supposed to gird the family breadwinner’s loins till lunch time. This morning it had been cornflakes and tea and that not freshly made. One small baby and suddenly it was too much trouble to scramble some eggs, put a bit of bacon under the grill, fry a few mushrooms and sling some bread in the toaster. He’d had to shell out for a burger and chips in the canteen. Second time this week and it was still only Thursday. And now the desk was giving him dirty looks.

  ‘Problem, Chief?’

  ‘Glove.’

  ‘Oh—yeh. She was washing up, grumbling that the gloves never last five minutes. I wasn’t listening—well, you don’t do you? But I heard, “It’s always the left one goes first.” That clicked because ours was a left-hander. She said, “I used to have all these odd things piling up till I found you could buy them to fit either hand.” So I thought, what if ours was like that?’

  ‘Might be. Although there’s nothing to stop a left-handed murderer wearing a right-handed glove. Or vice versa just to confuse the issue.’

  ‘Makes holding the knife a bit more awkward, though. And that is a very slick mover we’re talking about.’

  ‘True,’ Barnaby got up. ‘Might as well get a check for Craigie started. They usually stick fairly closely to the o
riginal name. The initials might be the same for instance.’

  ‘What’d he be…fifty-five? Sixty?’

  ‘I’d say. Maybe a bit older. I’m going over to the path lab. See how they’re doing.’ He took his lightweight jacket from the peg. ‘Then we’ll try Felicity Gamelin again. See if we can get some sort of sensible statement.’ He turned at the door. ‘Get your aura read while we’re at it.’ Troy made a winding movement directed at his forehead with his index finger. Barnaby grinned. ‘Your horoscope, then. What is it you’re supposed to have been born under? Sirius the dog star?’

  ‘If I was,’ said Troy, ‘I’ll bet the little bugger was cocking its leg.’

  Arno, having done a modest bit of gardening and eaten a piece of fruit to clarify his mind, was now wrestling with a haiku. His thoughts were all of May (the poem was of course for her). The haiku—three lines of five, seven and five syllables in which to compress a single illuminating thought—is not an easy form. The floor around Arno’s chair was covered with screwed-up little balls of paper.

  He sighed deeply, frustrated at the elusiveness of Thalia the poetic muse and at the general intractability of the English language.

  Beloved blossom

  Light-winged music-maker

  Spirit of flame

  He couldn’t give her that. To start with it sounded incomplete, like the opening to a much longer work. Then there was that ‘beloved’. These endearments would creep in. All the abandoned pensées had at least one. And let’s face it, thought Arno moodily, if a person was addressed as ‘bosom’s ease’, ‘angel fluff’, or ‘honey cuddle-bun’, sooner or later, however unsophisticated that person might be, she was going to deduce something a tad warmer in the offing than mere friendship or respect.

  Cross, and dry in the mind, Arno gave up pro tem and went over to the basin to wash his hands which had become rather stained. He had bought the finest parchment, a bottle of sepia-coloured ‘Indian’ ink and a calligrapher’s pen, feeling that only the very best materials would be worthy of his sacred task. But, being normally a Biro man, he couldn’t get the hang of the nib and the ink had spattered everywhere.

  Scrubbing at his hands and knuckles, a depressed Arno stared at himself in the small flaky mirror. He would never be reconciled to his appearance, never in a million years. If only he were tall and handsome as the full moon! He would sweep her off her feet then; gallop away with her over his saddle on a wonderful barrelchested white horse with jewelled harness and reins of gold.

  Arno smiled at these imaginings. His mother would have called it ‘going all rhapsodical’. He studied his face and tugged his beard, parting it experimentally, curling the ends around his fingers.

  He had tried a Blakeian beard, quiverful of life, tumbling all over his chest. But it hadn’t suited him. He’d looked like a dwarf with a doormat round his chin. The one he had was…well…neat. And at least it shone, for he treated it with henna regularly. Sometimes he thought he might look younger if he shaved it off.

  Before turning away, Arno bathed his face in greenish water taken from a small bowl half full of saxifrage. Heather had assured him that it was superb for fading freckles but he’d been using the stuff for over a month now and he honestly couldn’t see much difference. He dried himself and put the towel back neatly. It was almost time for lunch.

  With ten minutes to go, Janet had just got some sort of main course together. She had peered half-heartedly into the store cupboard, taking things out, putting them back before deciding on a packet of Sossomix. There was a drawing of granulated sausage shapes sizzling in a pan and Janet noted, not for the first time, the perverse labelling techniques adapted by firms catering to that ever-growing section of the population who loathed eating meat.

  Nut Steaks, Veggie Burgers, Cashew Roast. Down at the Karmic Pulse, they offered tofu, shaped like chicken legs and covered with soya grits. Quite indistinguishable, the cling wrap proudly assured customers, from the real thing.

  Woolgathering, Janet had poured too much water in the granules. Instead of being a nice firm malleable lump, it was all sloppy. Trying to drain off the excess, she’d allowed some of the mix to slip away. Fed up with the whole business, Janet dumped the bowl on the draining board and went back upstairs to try and talk out Trixie.

  After practically pushing everyone who was trying to help from the room, Trixie had locked the door. Nothing odd in that but she would usually answer when someone knocked, if it was only to ask why people just couldn’t leave her in peace. But today—not a sound.

  There was something so solid about the silence, thought Janet, rapping gently and calling, ‘Trixie—lunch…’ It was so absolutely total. Not so much as a carpeted footfall. Hard to believe there was even a heart beating in there.

  Looking round to check that she was unobserved, and still feeling vulgarly inquisitive, Janet knelt down and peered through the keyhole. All she could see was a section of Trixie’s unmade bed. Blushing, she scrambled up again.

  When she got back to the kitchen she found that Christopher, who had slipped out to the village, had returned with a sinfully large chocolate cake ‘to jolly everyone up’.

  ‘But Heather’s done a tapioca roulade for pudding with a fig glaze,’ she pointed out.

  ‘Exactly!’

  Janet laughed and was further cheered to discover that the Sossomix had absorbed the remaining water and was firm enough to shape and fry. She lit the gas under the spinach and suggested Christopher call the others.

  He found Heather on the terrace in a royal-blue track suit. She was intoning, arms stretched high to connect with telluric energy lines.

  I take movement into my very essence.

  I take runningness and jumpingness

  I am run… I am jump…

  She started to bound about on the spot then, her huge bosom and bum quivering like giant jellies. About to call that lunch was ready, Christopher was halted by an explosion of lyricism.

  Every little cell in my body is happee…

  Every little cell in my body is well…

  Christopher was familiar with Heather’s paean to holistic positivism. She taught it to all her clients no matter how dreadworthy their disease. He placed himself in front of her and mouthed ‘food’.

  She panted, ‘Kenny…office…go…’ and pogoed off round the side of the house.

  Ken was organising some posters for their next marriage workshop (On A Clear Day You Can See Each Other), resting his aleatory limb on the desk whilst the Gestetner chugged along.

  ‘Lunch is ready,’ panted his spouse, popping her head round the door.

  ‘About time,’ said Ken. ‘I’m starving.’

  ‘Sorry but things are sure to be a bit chaotic on a day like this.’ Heather wheezed in, picking up a poster. It was pale blue and showed two doves, one with long eyelashes wearing a pinny, the other stark-naked but for a fair smattering of white feathers. This one had its wing around the other one’s middle. Beneath it were Ken and Heather’s names and after Ken’s (in brackets) ‘Intuitive Diagnostician, Writer, Channeller’. Heather was down as ‘Healer, Writer, Priestess’. She said, ‘This should really bring them in. I hope it’ll still be on—I mean with all this upset.’

  ‘I resonate with that, Heth,’ said Ken, easing down his leg, ‘but hang loose. I’ve something to share.’

  ‘Oh—what is it?’ Heather sat with some difficulty, cross-legged on the carpet.

  ‘Well, you know my theory—never do one job when you could be doing three.’ Heather nodded. ‘So, while I was producing this lot, I also used my thought-energy web to tune into Hilarion about our future here.’

  ‘Brilliant. What did he say?’

  ‘Wouldn’t tell me, the old reprobate—oops!’ Ken put his head in his lap and covered it with his hands as if protecting himself from a rock fall. ‘Sorry Hilarion…’ he called through his fingers. ‘Only joking.’ He sat up then and continued. ‘But he did zero in with some info of his own. Nothing less than a complete
world-overview of the cosmic and global situation. There was a special reference to the holes in the ozone layer and—talk about a paradigm shift—they are nothing whatsoever to worry about.’

  ‘What? I can’t believe…’ Hope and incredulity fought it out in Heather’s shining face.

  ‘It’s true. Comes directly from the Original Silent Fourfold Column. You know how the waters break when a baby’s born? Well, this is precisely the same process. As we all know, there’s a great spiritual outpouring from the angelic realms at this particular moment in time. Now, how can this get through if apertures are not made in the heavens?’

  His wife clapped her hands in wonder. ‘I never thought of that.’

  ‘Talk about profound. The old fox.’

  ‘So all this changing aerosols and fridges and things—’

  ‘Complete waste of time.’

  Heather galumphed to her feet. ‘We must share this with the others.’

  ‘And then with the world.’

  Crossing the hall towards the dining room, Ken checked the ‘Feeling Guilty’ bowl as he always did when passing. There was no money in it today, but he did find something else. A key with a tag on reading ‘25’. The key to Trixie’s room.

  The afternoon was hot. Both the windows in Barnaby’s office were open but there was little breeze. It was Policewoman Brierley’s twenty-second and someone had had the wit to lob in ice and a huge bag of lemons as well as assorted cakes and pastries. The chief inspector had a frosted glass of tart, freshly made lemonade in one hand and was eating his doughnut in a very circumspect manner, trying to keep the filling off his shirt and off the mass of material on his desk, which included the recently delivered scene-of-crime report.